What is this, the Great Depression???

So I realized why all the stocks are getting ransacked, its because nobody is reading my fucking blog.  STOP SELLING YOU MORONS, IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY.  I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO MORTGAGE YOUR HOUSE, STAY IN THE GAME–AND GET READY FOR THE BOUNCE LIKE LIL BOW WOW IN “LIKE MIKE” –WE ‘BOUT TO MAKE SOME DOUGH.

HUGE SALE! EVERYTHING MUST GO!

As you all know, the market took a turn for the worse on Friday–for those of you who are considering putting some money into the market, DO IT NOW.  This is just a blip in the radar, prices of commodities have gone up, so everyone panicked a little bit.  But here’s my hot list of companies that were unjustly clobbered on Friday and should therefore be snatched up like a $100 dollar bill lying on the street.

BIDU–Down 4.64%, already an undervalued company, buy now.

DIVX–I know I’ve been pitching this bad boy hard, but I truly believe in it, if nothing else, add it to your “stocks to watch” list (took a 5.43% hit on Friday)

PTR–A little expensive, but has so much upside that no one sees. (down 4.44% Friday)

BX–I love that 6.5% yield

JCG–Has officially let me down all week, and these idiots better stop acting like it’s not a great company

So, in conclusion, make moves.  Don’t let this opportunity pass you by.  

 

Waiting for that JCG Rocket…

I refuse to accept the fact that J. Crew keeps dropping; how is this happening??  It’s such a great company, it’s undervalued to the point where it makes absolutely no sense–it WILL bounce back, and for those of you who didn’t listen to my advice on my last post about it, you’re in luck, because you can get in a few percent under my suggestion.  I still truly believe it will fly high, just be patient with it.  As for DivX, if you haven’t bought yet, buy now, it’s doin’ big things.  

The Market Doesn’t Sleep…

This is for all you legends out there who know that the market is a wonderful monster that doesn’t sleep; it just accumulates cash.  When they say that the market is “closed,”  that just means it can’t be contained.  This is something I meant to say in my last post–Check out DivX (DIVX) because that bad boy is ripe to buy.  At $9.79, buying DivX would be like going to the bank, sitting down with the teller to deposit a check, and being pleasantly surprised with the fact that somehow $800 BILLION DOLLARS snuck its way into your checking account.  And then you know what to do with that cash money after you buy a life-size remote control whale made out of solid gold and a bay to keep it in?  FEED THE MONSTER BABY.  Boom, your welcome.

More on J. Crew…

If you don’t buy J. Crew at opening on Monday, you’re hopeless.  It’s simple: If you want to turn $1000 into pure cash money, plant that money tree and watch it grow.  Boom.

More…

Alright, some new tips in the form of a lightening round.  3…2…1…Go!

NYX: Buy in the $63 range

FED: Sell short, and soon!

UBS: Wait until today’s closing, but a good buy anywhere below $24

CRM: Buy, hold until $82ish, then get out

BX: Hold

LVS: Buy, Buy, Buy!

DIVX: Buy under $10, thank me at $13 in the form of a new house

J. Crew, Decisions to make…

This just in…

JCG is just getting absolutely hammered in after hours.  As a result of a supposedly bleak future in earnings, the company is down 15% since closing.  Now, this is a tough situation, you need to make the call as to whether it will rise back up and plateau, or keep dropping all day tomorrow.  I’m thinking that the best idea for this one is to buy a call option for late June after tomorrow’s closing bell (it should continue dying for 2 or 3 more percent), and watch that bad boy revive itself and plateau around $42-$43, make some bankity bank.  Pure.

Lucky Pennies

Here are a few to break open that piggy bank for…

BZTG:  A lot of sketchy stuff going on with this one.  Supposedly someone who works for the company posted all of these articles on various Financial sites hyping up the company.  All that aside though, it’s one of these crazy search engine/all-in-one companies that’s taking Thailand by storm.  Thailand is soon to be the next China, so the way I see it, this is a $1.00-$5.00 stock that’s valued at 0.03; if you can get in at 0.02, do it–then buy me a flatscreen.

THPW:  If you can get in around the 0.24-0.28 range, do it.  You’ll feel like King Midas on this one; it’ll be up to 0.65+ by mid-July; Thorium is becoming a more and more popular source of energy, especially with all this talk of Nuclear Power Plants being built.  You might even want to get a call option on this baby, because it’s growin’ up.  No risk=No reward.

EPIO:  Nowhere to go but up; get in at $0.01 and don’t as any questions, just buy me a giraffe with the 50% you make within the month.  Sell at $0.02, that’s important.

CNGJ:  You feelin’ lucky, punk?  At $0.002/share, there’s a pretty solid chance at bankruptcy, but having been at $0.96 earlier this year, there’s a solid chance at greatness.  Don’t get greedy on this one though, get the quick dough, and get out.  I really know nothing about this company, this one is on a whim, baby.  Whims are what keep this country alive.

…you’re welcome in advance for turning those pennies into DOLLA DOLLA BILLS.

Summer Lovin’

Alright, let’s get this party started, here are two stocks to watch in the months to come, in a world where “watch” means “buy immediately”…

HANS:  If you can sneak in below the $30 dollar mark, snatch it up.  This is a company that thrives on summertime business.  They make some great products (Monster Energy Drink, Hansen’s Natural Soda) and great products=great company, especially at this price.  It peaked at $68.40 in October, 2007, meaning right after summer ended, it dropped hard.  Right now is the time to buy, I’m telling you–watch it soar up to the mid-40s range and sell by mid September.  Pure gold.

LVS:  Okay, so they’re going through a rough patch right now, but when you hear all this bad news, you should be thinking “buy, buy, buy!”  Las Vegas Sands is going to be money in your pocket as long as you get in under $69.  Here’s why:  Macau is steadily turning into something that Vegas couldn’t dream of becoming; it’s suddenly the new gambling capital of the world, and LVS is the biggest Casino they’ve got.  In addition, LVS is expanding into new territories such as Singapore and Vietnam.  Finally, China’s economy is on the rise, and all these newly rich Chinese people need something to do with their money baby, TAKE IT TO THOSE SLOTS.  One more thing, the Olympics–tourists will be traveling all throughout China and Hong Kong: Macau is rapidly becoming a tourist hot spot.

 

Introduction to The Sweaty Investor

Alright, so more or less this is going to be a financial blog.  I’ll update it a few times a day with various stock tips, suggestions, what I think and why, etc.  If you don’t agree with me, you’ll be sorry when I’m taking a piss in my solid gold urinal in my jumbo jet in two years.  Basically what you can expect from me is 100% accuracy on every tip I give.  I play for keeps, and I don’t plan on losing money, so you can ride the wave with me if you want…and if you don’t want to just leave now, you’re wasting my time.  My targeted market is pretty much anyone who wants to take it straight to the bank, no matter how much money they have to start out.  You can listen or not, I won’t lose sleep…in what will end up being a bed made out of solid gold.